Well it looks like The Mail beat The Hartlepool Post lads to this scoop...
http://www.hartlepoolmail.co.uk/news/crime/tortoise-taken-police-probe-disappearance-of-pet-from-west-view-area-of-hartlepool-1-6780829
What next........ 'RADIATOR LEAKS'..........'ICE CREAM MELTS'.....or.........'GRASS GREEN!!!!!!!'
I suspect if World War 3 was about to kick off they'd report it...eventually..... on page 25.
It's come to this..... I await their coupon appeal for volunteers to comb the area leaving no stone unturned .