Seeing as how the Boundary Commission is proposing cuts in MP numbers, can we get in ahead of the game and offer to trade ours in? We really don't need one as down the years they don't really seem to function in Hartlepool. It must be the sea air.
Might I suggest the 'Watcher' be dusted down, a quiet dignified thinker looking to the far horizon, a Shrek figure ( life size) or a .. radiator?
Or, just tell them we don't want one. They're like foot spas, they're everywhere, no one uses them again after their first experience, they're messy and best thrown into the back of a cupboard and forgotten about.
As with foot spas, maybe we could ditch ours to a car boot sale? Might even make enough to buy a sandwich toaster ...
I always see our caretaker MP as a tyre, a spare tyre, one of those awful little mini spare tyres, the ones designed to get you home safely tyre, but don't take any chances with it and drive well below the limit, after all it's only there to get you home safely and without any fuss. You can't leave it on the car because it's not there for the long term. It's there temporarily while the nice new tyre, all chunky tread and full of hot air replaces it after being delivered from somewhere down South.